Whoever Said “If It’s Mellow, It’s Yellow” Doesn’t Live With My Kids
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For those of you who didn’t grow up in a Southern California communish house straight out of “Ladies of the Canyon” like I did, that particular mellow-yellow catch phrase—followed by “if it’s brown, flush it down”—referred to the water-saving frenzy that followed a series of 1970s droughts. The idea was that you didn’t need to flush a toilet if you peed, only if you—oh, you get the picture.
Given the current state of environmental affairs, the phrase is back with a vengeance—everyone from Cameron Diaz to Jackie Chan is on record in support of the golden bowl. But does it really matter? A 1970s toilet could waste as much as eight gallons per flush—today’s models only use 1.5 gallons. Most people flush about five times per day, according to the American Water Works Association Research Foundation. Say you let it mellow two out of those five times: You could save three gallons of water a day—or more than a thousand gallons per year!
So yes, it matters. But then there’s the smell factor. What is it about tween pee that smells so darned pungent? Is it some pre-pubescent hormonal thing? All I know is, my bathroom gets cleaned on Wednesdays and by Thursday it smells like an outhouse—regardless of whether or not my kids are flushing.
And then there’s etiquette. Is your yellow mellow when you have guests in your house? What about when you visit somebody else’s house? How about a public toilet—how mellow is it to force your pee on some unsuspecting stranger?
What would Oprah do?
I think there should be a sign to put on the back of the bathroom door that clarifies your bathroom policy. Or a card to leave when you’re away from the house: “I think my yellow is mellow. Hope you do too!”
That’ll go over well at the office.
