I’ve got a big meeting next week. A. Big. Meeting. And for someone like me, whose big meetings take place most often at the swing set, this particular event involves a whole lot of anxiety. The typical pre-meet stressors—what to wear, how to get there, who’ll watch the kids while I’m gone—is hyperbolized by one that’s particular to my profession as a (self-professed) green lifestyle expert. My particular stress? How to physically represent the smallest possible carbon footprint.

Because anyone who’s going around throwing stones at carbon-phat lifestyle had better not be living in a (recycled) glass house. And despite the fact that I’m a firm believer in the 75/25 principle (as espoused by the articulate and amazing Paige Anderson Appel of Bash Eco Events), when I’m going to A. Big. Meeting, I’d better be ready to represent.

That means breaking out the vintage Diane Von Furstenberg (because no one can craft a better-fitting dress) and Olsen Haus vegan heels. Toting the computer in the Act2 post-consumer recycled PET case and carrying my favorite Ashley Watson bag, reincarnated from a leather jacket. Wearing lead-free lipstick, DBP-free nail polish and paraben-free perfume, natch. There’s no reason not to talk about eco-friendly fashion and beauty, when I’m wearing the examples right there on my back—or, um, front.

And as the concept that I’m introducing at said Big. Meeting. must be presented on paper, of course I’ll be using recycled stock printed double-sided with eco-friendly ink. That part seems simple, right? I mean, how hard can it be? You buy the supplies, set the printer to spit out the odd pages, choose your quantity, take out the pages, flip ‘em over and print the even.

Except I can’t figure out how to friggin’ do it. I keep printing out the odds, flipping it over, and feeling all smug until we come to set two and the printer starts printing page four on the back of page one or some such nonsense. Finally, I figure out that I because my doc ends on an odd page, I have to add one more blank piece of paper at the end to make it even so that the two jobs match up. Eureka.

Shouldn’t that be headlining the HP instruction manual? I swear I’ve created enough scratch paper for the Barnacle to draw me a picture every day until she’s 20. I’m killing a forest to save the trees. Ah, the irony.

Wish me luck.